Siâⁿ--人ê戀情若五彩糖蜜,tī世間無盡尾teh迷惑人性。你若問現代人是按怎想beh結婚?大多數ê回答定著是為著「愛」。M̄-kú咱攏知影愛一个人chiâⁿ容易,beh經營一段感情就無hiah簡單。愛情ê劇本攏是chhím頭á新烘爐配新茶鈷,愛kah熱phut-phut ,tī情人ê眼內是看啥攏美麗。按呢ê幸福感會tī tâⁿ結婚ê時陣達到上koân,iā就是咱所知影ê「蜜月效應」(註1),這款糖甘甜ê愛情強度會tī花無百日紅ê現實ta̍uh-ta̍uh-á消退。
到底結婚了後ê「愛」會變做啥款?是按怎當初ê山盟海誓結婚了後bē堪leh時間考驗?這tī學術有真濟研究顯示,無論查埔á-sī查某,有結婚ê幸福感普遍比無結婚ê較koân,M̄-kú若是因為兩人種種ê bē合來離緣á-sī分居ê,in ê幸福感就會比m̄-bat結過婚ê人koh較低。這mā講明一件代誌,婚姻kap幸福感之間ê關係是雙向koh互相交參(註2)--ê。因為m̄是結婚就會hō͘人變幸福,是行入婚姻了後ê兩人有做啥貨來經營想beh愛ê幸福才是關鍵。
前一暫仔媒體chiâⁿ熱ê新聞「王力宏婚變」引起濟濟人ê關注kap討論。in ê婚姻會行到這步,相信兩人關係ê pit痕早就裂kah chiâⁿ大。咱常在會聽著人講,婚姻是「因為誤解才做伙;分開soah是因為了解」。這个「了解」是雙人tī親密關係當中,看清楚較早無想著ê kah失覺察ê部分,兩人願意開時間調整日常生活ê細節,kā對方ê需求khǹg leh心肝內,無beh koh用忽略來閃避傷害關係ê問題。這个「了解」是兩人tī親密關係當中,願意認真思考婚姻是一chōa我kap你ê性命旅程,假使ang-á-bó͘無法度有共同ê目標kah價值觀;無法度互相信任kap真心扶持,beh鬥陣牽手行一世人ê誓言就會變成是空喙哺舌ê hiau-siâu話。
所pái,若想beh tī結婚了後koh仝款享受婚前ê快樂,m̄管是心態á-sī做法攏需要做chiâⁿ大ê調整。比喻講學習按兩人ê關係去看雙方想beh愛ê是啥?對婚姻有啥期待?兩人向望得著啥款ê幸福?chia濟濟ê問題按溝通到做伙牽手搜chhōe共同ê認知,願意落軟徛tī對方ê立場來思考,這種表面退一步ê輸,窮實是減少衝突、善待雙方上贏面ê智慧。這會hō͘兩人ê關係連結koh較堅固ê愛,mā hō͘家己kah伴侶tī親密關係內底感受著滿意度chiâⁿ koân ê「被愛」幸福。
註:
1.Tī糖甘甜ê愛情感受著一種幸福、熱情、活力kap健康ê狀態。Tī一个狀態當中,hō͘人感覺人生chiâⁿ美好。
2. 參雜
台灣字(白話字)版
Kiat-Hun Kám-Ē HŌ͘-Lâng Hēng-hok?
Siâⁿ--lâng ê loān-chêng ná ngó͘-chhái thn̂g-bi̍t, tī sè-kan bô-chīn-bóe teh bê-he̍k jîn-sèng. Lí nā mn̄g hiān-tāi-lâng sī-án-chóaⁿ siūⁿ-beh kiat-hun? Tāi-to-sò͘ ê hôe-tap tiāⁿ-tio̍h sī ūi-tio̍h “Ài”. M̄-koh lán lóng chai-iáⁿ ài chi̍t-ê-lâng chiâⁿ iông-ī, beh keng-êng chi̍t-tōaⁿ kám-chêng tō bô hiah kán-tan. Ài-chêng ê kio̍k-pún lóng-sī chhím-thâu-á sin hang-lô͘ phòe sin tê-kó͘, ài kah jia̍t-phut-phut! Tī chêng-jîn ê gán-lāi sī khòaⁿ siáⁿ lóng bí-lē. Án-ne ê hēng-hok-kám ē tī tâⁿ kiat-hun ê sî-chūn ta̍t-kàu siōng-koân. Ia̍h tō-sī lán só͘ chai-iáⁿ ê “Bi̍t-goa̍t hāu-èng”(註1). Chit-khóaⁿ thn̂g-kam-tiⁿ ê ài-chêng kiông-tō͘ ē tī hoe bô pah-ji̍t-âng ê hiān-si̍t ta̍uh-ta̍uh-á siau-thè.
Tàu-té kiat-hun liáu-āu ê “Ài” ē piàn-chò siáⁿ-khóaⁿ? Sī án-chóaⁿ tong-chho͘ ê san-bêng hái-sè kiat-hun liáu-āu bē-kham-leh sî-kan khó-giām? Che tī ha̍k-sut ū chin chē gián-kiú hián-sī: bô-lūn châ-po͘ á-sī châ-bó͘, ū kiat-hun ê hêng-hok-kám phó͘-phiàn pí bô kiat-hun ê khah-koân. M̄-koh nā-sī in-ūi nn̄g-lâng chióng-chióng ê bē-ha̍h lâi lī-iân á-sī hun-ki--ê, in ê hêng-hok-kám tō ē pí m̄-bat kiat kòe hun ê lâng koh-khah kē. Che mā kóng-bêng chi̍t-kiāⁿ tāi-chì, hun-in kap hēng-hok-kám chi-kan ê koan-hē sī siang-hióng koh hō͘-siōng kau-chham(註2)--ê. In-ūi m̄-sī kiat-hun tō hō͘-lâng piàn hēng-hok, sī kiâⁿ-ji̍p hun-in liáu-āu ê nn̄g-lâng ū chò siáⁿ-hòe lâi keng-êng siūⁿ-beh ài ê hēng-hok chiah-sī koan-kiān.
Chêng chi̍t-chām-á mûi-thé chiâⁿ jia̍t ê sin-bûn “ Ông Le̍k-hông Hun-piàn” ín-khí chē-chē-lâng ê koan-chù kap thó-lūn. In ê hun-in ē kiâⁿ kàu chit pō͘, siong-sìn nn̄g-lâng koan-hē ê pit-hûn chá tō li̍h kah chiâⁿ tōa. Lán chhiâng-chāi ē thiaⁿ tio̍h lâng kóng, hun-in sī “In-ūi gō͘-kái chiah chò-hóe; hun-khui soah sī in-ūi liáu-kái”. Chit-ê “Liáu-kái” sī siang-lâng tī chhin-bi̍t koan-hē tang-tiong, khòaⁿ chheng-chhó khah-chá bô siūⁿ-tio̍h ê kah sit-kak-chhat ê pō͘-hūn, nn̄g-lâng goān-ì khai sî-kan tiâu-chéng ji̍t-siông seng-oa̍h ê sè-chiat, kā tùi-hong ê su-kiû khèng tī sim-koan lāi, bô-beh koh iōng hut-lio̍k lâi sím-pī siong-hāi koan-hē ê būn-tê. Chit-ê “Liáu-kái” sī nn̄g-lâng tī chhin-bi̍t koan-hē tang-tiong, goān-ì jīn-chin su-khó hun-in sī chi̍t-chōa góa kap lí ê sèⁿ-miā lú-thêng. Ká-sú ang-á-bó͘ bô hoat-tō͘ ū kiōng-tông ê bo̍k-phiau kah kè-ta̍t-koan; bô-hoat-tō͘ hō͘-siōng sìn-jīm kap chin-sim hû-chhî, beh tàu-tīn khan-chhiú kiâⁿ chi̍t-sì-lâng ê sè-giân tō ē piàn-sêng khang-chhuì pō͘-chi̍h ê hau-siâu-oē.
Só͘-pái, nā siūⁿ-beh tī kiat-hun liáu-āu koh kâng-khóaⁿ hiáng-siū hun chêng ê khòaⁿ-lo̍k, m̄-koán sī sim-thài á-sī chò-hoat lóng su-iàu chò chiâⁿ tōa ê tiâu-chéng. Pí-jū kóng ha̍k-si̍p àn nn̄g-lâng ê koan-hē khì khòaⁿ siang-hong siūⁿ-beh ài ê sī siáⁿ? Tùi hun-in ū siáⁿ kî-thāi? Nn̄g-lâng ǹg-bāng tit-tio̍h siáⁿ-khóaⁿ ê hēng-hok? Chia chē- chē ê būn-tê àn ko͘-thong kàu chò-hóe khan-chhiú chhiau-chhōe kiōng-tông ê jīn-ti, goān-ì lo̍h-nńg khiā tī tùi-hong ê li̍p-tiûⁿ lâi su-khó. Chit-chióng piáu-bīn thè chi̍t-pō͘ ê su, khêng-si̍t sī kiám-chió chhiong-tu̍t, siān-thāi siang-hong siōng iâⁿ-bīn ê tì-hūi. Che ē hō͘ nn̄g-lâng ê koan-hē liân-kiat koh-khah kian-kò͘ ê ài, mā hō͘ ka-kī kah phōaⁿ-lū tī chhin-bi̍t koan-hē lāi-té kám-siū tio̍h boán-ì-tō͘ chiâⁿ-koân ê “Pī-ài” hēng-hok.
註:
1. Tī thn̂g-kam-tiⁿ ê ài-chêng kám-siū tio̍h chi̍t-chióng hēng-hok, jia̍t-chêng, oa̍h-le̍k kap kiān-khong ê chòng-thài. Tī chi̍t-ê chòng-thài tang-tiong, hō͘-lâng kám-kak jîn-seng chiâⁿ bí-hó.
2. Chham-cha̍p.
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